Low Self Esteem Symptoms

Do you think you, or someone you know, may have low self esteem? Are you a little unsure if it is low self esteem, low self confidence, or anxiety or depression?

The following low self esteem symptoms may help you decide if it is your self esteem which should be worked on, or another area of development.

If you think someone else may suffer from low self esteem, it may be best to show them this article, and let them figure it out for themselves, rather than try and push your opinions on them. Having said that, some people do need a nudge in the right direction so it is about finding a balance.

Low self esteem symptoms may include the following:

Complaining and blaming others: People with low self esteem often feel their misfortune is someone/something else’s fault and life has dealt them a bad hand. This means they do not assume any responsibility. Yes, bad things will happen in life but you are responsible for how you handle them. Taking responsibility can be scary but is a sign of a self assured person.

Start to notice every time you complain or blame (it can easily become a habit and be done without even noticing). Have a look at the situation and do something constructive or proactive to change it. Or shut up about it!!

Need for external validation: People with low self esteem place their feelings in the hands of others – if they receive praise, they feel good (although this is only temporary). If they receive criticism or someone disagrees with them, they feel terrible. For this reason, avoidance of any conflict is a classic low self esteem symptom.

If this is the case for you, start to base your feelings on how YOU feel…..remember everyone’s opinions are different so what one person will praise, another will criticise – basing your feelings on this will just lead to confusion and a roller coaster of emotions. It can be hard to establish your exact feelings but it will become easier as your self esteem becomes higher. Set your own (realistic) standards and base your feelings on how well you are meeting these, rather than trying to meet other peoples standards.

Difficulty asserting oneself and saying no: Because of a need for validation and acceptance from others, people with low self esteem tend to be ‘people pleasers.’ Their own wants, needs and desires come secondary which sends self esteem plummeting further. Have a look at How to Say No, for tips on assertiveness.

See the negatives, discount the positives: Whether this is related to oneself – physically or mentally, external situations or other people, those with low self esteem tend to be pessimistic. They overlook all the good things about themselves, yet highlight the things which need work.

If you have this trait, begin to change it – as soon as you notice you are saying or thinking something negative, reframe the situation and put a positive spin on things. Imagine yourself as a politician – they can make anything sound good!! This negative talk is a habit…it will take some effort to turn around but it is perfectly possible to reverse the habit and make your natural way of thinking more positive.

Addictions: Drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex, chocolate, gambling….addictions give that short term boost which gives a false sense of happiness and self esteem. They also offer something to complain about and an excuse for not dealing with the underlying issues. It may be at a subconscious level – simply wanting to avoid awkward or insecure feeling leads to repeating the addictive behaviour.

Depending on the addiction, you may need to seek professional help, but simply realising there is a reason for the addiction is a step in the right direction. Acknowledge your inner feelings and express things openly – if you are angry or frustrated, be angry or frustrated, don’t bottle things up. As you become more able to voice your feelings, there will be less need for a distraction and the addiction will be easier to overcome.

Living anywhere but now: Regretting or feeling guilty about the past and worrying about the future is generally a low self esteem symptom. Because people with low self esteem do not feel they deserve happiness in this moment, their emotions and energies go elsewhere in time.

At anyone time, always focus on what you are doing, find the joy in every moment. Have a look at The Vicious Circle of Guilt, Low Self Confidence and Unhappiness and How to Overcome Guilt and Move On if you live in the past.

Low self esteem is not a lifetime state – if you recognise any of the above low self esteem symptoms, don’t worry, simply recognise you may be able to improve your self esteem and make a plan to work towards it.